Change

These wondering thoughts started as an article for the MOPS newsletter I help create each month. But I couldn't get them to work together to my satisfaction. So I thought I'ld throw them out on the blogosphere just so I could get them down.

Change, why do we fear it so much? As a Christian, I know that God has everything in His hands. But that doesn't mean I'm not afraid. Where did all the doubt come from? Well, I know where it came from, but why does it linger?

I have been through a lot of change. I have only been married 6 years, but I feel like a lot has happened in that time. We graduated from college, had a few babies, a few scary stays at the hospital. Change in jobs. Change in location. Change in diet. Each change was a little more intense than the last one.

First, college graduation. What now? Work? Are you kidding? Pay our bills, buy the groceries. Ahhh. But it was exciting starting our adult lives together. Than, a year and a half later, a baby. How wonderful and blessed that time was. Than a job loss, child in the hospital, moving and a second baby born. Whoa, that was a bit much. But I learned that God provides through His people. New home, new church, new diet. Ok, Your grace is sufficient for me. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I got my verses down. But still, it was dark. All the changes outside and inside my body. I can't deal!

Calm, peace breath out. A new kind of family. At church. Let go of the anger from not knowing what would happen. Give in to God and his plan, stop trying to control everything myself. Nine months of bliss. Of a stable environment. Wait, our son breaks his leg. NIGHTMARE! Social worker visit that turns into chaos. Down the dark spiral of shame and wrongful accusation. Where is your justice God. Why are your people persecuted?! It's out of my hands. I have to trust the Lord to protect my kids. Can I do it? Do I really believe in His provision for me AND my family? I have to. It's my only hope. The only light I can see, my last lifeline.

Rejoice! They are back. God is good. But now all those fears about being a good parent are back. What if they were right to take the kids? Am I really doing a good job? The self-doubt is back. Old strongholds come around my heart, blocking out the sound of the Spirit. Put on my happy face for church, but lash out at my kids and husband. Why us? Why all the upheaval?

Truth breaks through the lies. His word is my refuge. I will run in to the safe arms of the Almighty and not look back. Peace again! Relief in the cool waters of His Spirit. Thank-you Jesus for your grace.

More change. A job change, meaning a new house, new city. Leaving all that is familiar and safe. Can I do it? Do I believe He can sustaine me through this? Yes, even though I don't want to leave. I will follow my husband and let him be the leader of our home. I WILL trust in God.

Wow, this time I really am at peace. God has made a difference. He has brought us in his timing to where He wants us to be. I finally learned to accept what God wants, and not my own desires. Amazing, how the Lord takes us through adversity so we may be refined and made into His Image. Thank-you my Sovereign