Early Morning

Now that I am back to blogging, you may get whiny moments. Today will be one of those days. But the good stuff is at the end. So, read the whiny stuff so you understand the lesson.

Really, it started yesterday. About 9PM. The kids were finally in bed. I was settling down to watch one of our shows. Then I saw it was a two part episode. Because it's the end of all my series. So they have to be really dramatic and drag everything on and on and on.

And I wanted to watch the second part of the finale. Not go to bed and set my alarm for 5:20AM. But I did, and maybe I prayed that I would get a text either last night or early this morning saying my running friend can't make it. Yeah, should have prayed a little harder about that. The alarm went off, I pushed snooze. The alarm went of, I pushed snooze again. The alarm went off, I turned it off. Got out of bed, got myself out the door and was still 10 minutes late. And I kept praying for that text saying I could turn around and go home. Still didn't come.....

I arrived. Apologized in a half hearted way for being late. We began. We only had about 3 miles to go. I started off ok. Then, my calves started tightening. So I walked a little. My dear friend gave me some encouragement, we ran again. More hurting calves, we walked a little. Finally, I said to my friend that she should go on. Because I wanted to not push to hard since we had hill work tomorrow morning. Oh the joy of that. And since she did need to get back home before 7, I was left on my own to finish the 3 miles.

Which turned out to be an enormous blessing. I had been all focused on me and what problems I had. And when my friend continued on, and I was left there without my iPod or any other distractions (television anyone?) I finally had the time to realize that I was getting into a pretty selfish mode of thinking. I did have some things that were on my heart that weren't just about my desire to sleep past 5:30AM. But mostly, I was thinking how unfair my life was. The Lord prompted me to start praying. And I did. I just started talking to God on that path. Out loud. I was the crazy lady on the running path. I stopped talking and listened for awhile. And then I would talk. God and I had a great conversation out there this morning. And not everything was resolved. I still have some things to work on. God did not come down with a magic paint brush and remove all my troubles. He did, however, give me some peace of mind. And then, when I was done talking to God about me. And I started thinking about how cruddy it was to be running out there, I started praying for my friends. And then I started praising God. As I look back on this morning, I probably should have started with the praising and then moved on to praying.

Now, again. My day has not become all roses and sunshine. I feel kind of tired and lazy. I let the kids watch Kung Fu Panda so I could watch a show this morning. And I served them 7UP for breakfast because we are out of milk and I didn't want the battle over drinking water to begin, for the hundredth time. I just didn't want to deal with that. But, God is still there for me. Thank-you Jesus for your endless patience, grace and mercy. For loving me as I need to be loved. Especially on my crummy days!

It don't mean a thing if I'm not in the swing... of things

So, as my darling husband and also one of my friends so kindly pointed out, I need to get back to blogging. It's apparently been awhile since my last post. I was all gun ho around Christmas and maybe the first week of January. But then, I got busy, life happened. I think some of us may have been sick. Blah Blah Blah, excuses excuses excuses.

Here are a few things that I have been doing as well.

I started running with a good friend of mine (who also has a blog thenaturalmommy.com). We get up at some crazy hour before the sun comes up here in the Midwest. We do crazy things like sprints and tempo runs. Well, she does that. I kind of move my feet a little faster than normal and try not to pass out from a lack of oxygen. Just kidding. I actually kind of like running now. I have digressed.

I also got wrapped up in a couple of book series by Jim Butcher, the Dresden Files and Codex Alera or the Furies books as I call them. He writes sci-fi/ fantasy. They are witty, pretty clean for mainstream fiction and based in Chicago so I actually have been to a lot of the geographical references.

I have been involved with my family, my MOPS group, the church we attend. All kinds of stuff.

Oh, and then there is my obsession with television. I have been known to get sucked into a Hulu vacuum. Usually between the hours of 2 and 4 PM. If you are not familiar with HULU, it's offers t.v. shows from a wide variety of networks, for free. It's a blessing and a curse.

So those are my excuses. I run three days a week, I am involved in life, I have kids. I like t.v. That's why I haven't been blogging. I know, I do to much. Maybe I should cut back on something.

Well, I think summers arrival is cutting some things for me, like the school run, MOPS, there aren't many good t.v. shows on during the summer. So, here I am. Dusting off my lap top. Flexing my fingers and wrists. Getting back into blogging. I am not going to make any promises about "x" number of posts per week. But if you are on Facebook, I link there to my posts. So, if I blog, I want to hear from you. Have a great week!

As seen thru the eyes of my children

Here are a few things I have learned about myself in the last few years. Some of it's good and some of it is not so good. Maybe you can relate?

1. I can put in and take out a toddler from a 5 – point harness one handed. While talking on a cell phone. Can we all say “multi-tasker”?
2. I have built enough muscle strength to carry two 35 lb children (if absolutely necessary and it’s not going up the stairs). Eat your hear out Jillian Michaels!
3. Banana bread counts as a serving of fruit and veggies. And sometimes fruit snacks do too.
4. I can tell by the smell of my child’s poo if they are sick or not.
5. I can survive on three hours of sleep. Barely, but I can do it.
6. I don’t need more than 1200 calories a day. My kids need the food more than I do. (you may not know that. And I usually make up what I don't eat one day on the day after.)
7. I am my child’s best advocate. Whether it's speaking to doctor's, teachers, well meaning strangers or over protective relatives.

I have learned a few other things about myself as well. They are not as flattering. I am not as easy going as I thought. I have very strong ideas about how things should go. I also don’t like to be challenged or ignored. I have a nasty temper when things don’t go my way. And in God’s awesome sense of humor way, He has given me some kids with a very strong sense of how things should go. We are still debating about when I should give in and when I should stay strong in my decisions. 
I’ve also learned to share more, watch my words, play nice and about grace. I have become more discerning about what I watch and listen to. Both when the kids are around and when it’s just me and my husband. I need to be better about matching my actions with my words. Because there are little eyes and ears watching, all the time. And they are really good at imitating what they see and hear.
I have learned how to dream and imagine again. I don’t need to stay in reality all the time. Besides, it’s not much fun here. :P It’s ok to pretend to be the monster so my kids can practice being warriors. Because they are going to have to know how to fight for themselves one day. And I want to teach them that’s alright. Even though the world will tell them that they should be a pacifist.
My lessons in grace have been the hardest. No matter how many times I screw up, my kids are always quick to forgive. And I want to be more like that too. I don’t think there has been any Bible study lesson, sermon, magazine article or seminar that I have been to that has illustrated to me how quickly God is willing to forgive me, if I would just ask, than what my kids have demonstrated to me. That quickness to forgive is what keeps my heart from being bitter.
That’s what I have learned in the past five years. There are more lessons, but I think these are the big ones. What have you learned since becoming a parent?

To the man I love

He is often in the background, but that only means he needs me to tell you all why I love him. This one's for you honey!

To my husband
I wanted to say thank-you today. Thank-you for being the man I need you to be.
Thank-you also for knowing when I need you to be with the kids so I don’t go crazy. For buying me little presents and treats. Thank-you for holding your tongue when I don’t do the dishes and play my silly little game (Peggle, the greatest distraction on earth) instead.
Thanks for pushing me and challenging me. Like in this writing thing. I don’t want to be here writing, because I am tired and have a head ache. (you know I fall asleep about now, 11:30PM). Here I am writing anyway because you are right about this. I need to do something everyday to keep me motivated. You also have such a unique way of motivating me to excercise. Because again, you are right. Greece can either be something I go and have a great time at, or it can be the most miserable experience of my life. And that whole not wanting to be kidnapped by turkish terrorists is pretty motivating to.
Thank-you for being the dad our kids need. For showing them how to become men. Thank-you for being the one who goes to work at a day job you don’t really like so that I can stay home and guide our children. And thank you for pursuing your dreams. It’s teaching our kids that it is possible to be a grown up and still dream.
Thank-you for being you. For being my sounding board. For being my reality check. Thanks for being the one to encourage me and love me when I am being emotional. Thanks for loving me enough to tell me to get my behind upstairs and write or to go to bed so I can get up and run in the morning! For showing me how to dream and ways I can make those dreams come true.
To borrow some lyrics from a song by Spiral Staircase (whoever the heck that is,)
I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wonder
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Oh I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
Oh I love you more today than yesterday
But darling not as much as tomorrow

Tommorrow makes each springtime just a day away
Cupid we don't need you now be on your way
I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger
And I always will be true
I'll be spending time with you

Oh I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
Oh I love you more today than yesterday
But darling not as much as tomorrow

Every day's a new day, every time I love ya
Every time's a new way, every time I love ya...
Very day's a new day, every time I love ya
Every time's a new way, every time I love ya...
Every time I love ya...

Expectations

I realized something the other day. I realized that I should stop reading stories to my kids. I should also stop letting them watch Disney movies and PBS cartoons.
Why would I do such a thing? It’s great to read stories to your kids. It helps to teach them how to read. And Disney and PBS put out great educational programming. And lets not forget that letting them watch a show is the best way to distract my two boys while I try and get something done.
There are side effects to letting my kids watch shows. They see not only the kids in those shows, but also the adults. They see all the perfect moms and dads who never blow up at their kids. The ones able to laugh off every little mistake. The ones that are never tired, angry, hurt or lonely. My kids see an idyllic world where nothing ever goes wrong. They see a certain curious monkey get into mischeif yet never have to reap the consequences.
I think this all hit me when we were going thru potty training with our oldest son. I would get so mad when things did not go well. As in we had done our business every where except the potty. And I was out of carpet cleaner. I will admit here that I would completely lose my cool. Not just in an exasperated sigh kind of way. It was more along the lines of screaming. And then I would calm down and feel immediate guilt for my blow up. Apologize and set my mind to doing it the right way. The way those potty training books told me to. Reading those books always reminded me of how poorly I was doing at this mothering job.
Then one day, my mom and I were on the phone. I was yet again confessing my hatefulness. And she was comforting me with kind words and scripture. She told me that God had created me in His image and that He had given me these two boys. That my husband and I were their parents for a reason. That I was the best one for the job of raising them.
I should remember that those parents on the screen and in the books aren’t real. They are fictional. And that it’s only the enemy telling me that I am the only one that messes up. That no one but me gets angry or exasperated with my kids. I knew all of that in my head. But in my heart I needed to hear that truth.
I am the best parent for my kids. And you are the best parent for yours. Even though I make mistakes still, I can use those times to teach my kids about forgiveness. About receiving grace and mercy. Those things are there for you as well. You need only to ask, and Christ will come and extend His grace, mercy and unconditional love to you.
Walking forward in His grace and mercy.

P.S. I am not really going to stop reading books to my kids or stop letting them watch television. I need at lease some peace and quiet. :)

Life Lessons

Wanting Better

I don't know how it started. Maybe it was with the Baby Boomers, maybe it's my fellow Gen X-ers that are to blame. Perhaps, I could blame the women's movement and their lie that I am not enough of a woman if I don't work full time in my “career.” Maybe it's the credit card companies false promises of never ending credit lines, and zero percent interest offers. It could even be the old fashion American work ethic of my ancestors, that elusive American dream of reaching out of your circumstances and creating something better than what you had. I don't know how it started, but I know it's gotta stop.

With each successive generation, people want more and more and more. Bigger is better.

It's no longer enough to have a car, now I need to have a minivan. Wait, it's not a minivan any longer, I need to get an SUV. But it can't be the standard SUV, it has to have duel DVD players, seat specific air control and a temperature controlled cup holder for each passenger. It needs to be a hybrid so I can do my part to save the world, because it's my fault the world is going to explode.

Let's not forget the house, I need to have the right house in the best subdivision. It doesn't matter what lengths I need to go to for that to happen. If I have to get a mortgage that will have to be paid until my kids are ready to put me in a nursing home, so be it. Because my kids deserve the best and gosh darn it, so do I.

As someone who had a credit card the summer before I left for college, I know what it means to spend without caring about the consequences. By the time I was a junior in college, I had maxed out my credit card a couple of times. I did not learn and apply what it meant to buy responsibly until I was almost done with college. So, please, hear me out for the rest of this post.

I am not saying it's wrong or evil to strive for good things. I want my kids to grow up in a safe neighbor hood and go to a good school. I want them to have cool toys and wear nice clothes. But what values am I teaching my kids if I spend every spare penny my husband earns, and more we don't have, to make that happen? What are they learning if every time we get some extra cash it has to go to pay off the credit cards? I am just feeding the monster of materialism. If I don't teach them how to save and the lessons of sacrifice, then they are just going to inherit the world's view of spending. That as long as you have a little plastic card, it doesn't matter what's in your bank accounts. And if you don't have enough money to pay off the credit card, the government will be there to bail you out. That is going to put them at a disadvantage. It will prevent them from being able to pursue their dreams fully because they will have to work to get out of debt.

When I don't take the time to demonstrate frugality and biblical savings principals to my kids, than all the blessings I offer them, mean nothing. Until my kids understand about sacrifice, they don't realize the gift of a blessing. Because you can't have blessings with out sacrifice. Whether that sacrifice is material, spiritual or emotional.

So that is what I am trying to teach my kids...
1.That when they get toys for Christmas or their birthday, they need to go through the toys they have and donate them to someone else.
2.Even though we could go and buy a play set on credit, we're going to wait until we can buy one with cash
3.The most important lesson we are trying to demonstrate, is that each day we must sacrifice our own personal desires for those of God's. God's desire for us to love one another and care for one another. The lesson of reaching out and helping others. Whether that means sharing our snacks at the playground, or forgiving the child younger than them who pushes in front of them at that same playground.

Half-way Hostess

I have a secret. Now don't get all excited, it's not the plot of the next Stephanie Meyer's novel, or the preview of Beyonce's next cd. It's the fact that I am a half-way hostess.

I have already admitted to you that I hate to clean. That there are probably a hundred other things that I can think of to do besides clean. But, I do it because I also hate filth. And I like to have people over. And it drives my husband nuts when it's not done.

My idea of entertaining is to throw paper plates on our table and serve dinner out of the dishes it's cooked in. It's not to make a thematic center piece and have matching silver and glasses.

You will probably find three or four things in each room that don't belong there that need to be put away, and not just toys(although, that might be some of it). Things like a pair of earrings on top of the television. Or a demolished ice cream sandwich wrapper under the computer desk. Maybe a computer game or stray Lego piece on the banister upstairs.

You will always find a warm smile and laughter. A place that you and your kids could come on over to and relax. I think those things go along way in making a successful party.

So come on over any time. And if you give me enough notice, I might even vacuum for you. But don't expect me to mop.