Thursday, August 26, 2010

Paralyzed by People Pleasing

Really, my favorite part of blogging is in coming up with alliterative titles. Do you like it? It's important to me that you do. Because I am a people pleaser.

I am not a doormat or someone that can wilt into the background. If a decision or choice needs to be made or if I see something that needs to be addressed, I will say something. In fact I often share my opinions on food choices or movie rentals with people I don't even know. Or if I am in a situation that I have more experience than the other decision makers. But rarely will I share my opinion or political views with my friends.

Why is that? Why am I more likely to share my opinions with perfect strangers than I am with my friends? I am even hesitant to post this. Because maybe someone will ask me directly what some of my views are. And then I will have to pull out my well honed evasion skills to redirect the conversation. Or pray that my kids need something from me and I won't have to answer.

I know part of my hesitation stems from the many years of mask wearing I have done. Some of it comes from wanting people to like me. Part of it is also never having been in a place to have the same group of friends long enough that have gone past the surface mommy-talk.

Even now there is a whisper in my ear telling me just to delete this. That it doesn't matter what I have to say. Excuse me while I tell it to be quiet and go back to it's pit.

Ok, cause here's the truth. I do have opinions. I do not do enough investigation and fact checking to get into a debate. which is why I don't post my opinions on Facebook. But I listen to the news and read news sites. I have made some idealogical decisions on how I want to live the life God's given me. Also in how the husband and I will raise the kids God's given us. Sometimes' those choices are similar to others, and sometimes they are the polar opposite. Most of the time, if my opinion is different from yours, I won't say much until I can change the subject. That's my preferred method of conflict avoidance.

But maybe that's gonna change. We'll see. This new baby inside of me tends to affect my hormones leaving my brain a little foggy and more prone to speaking my mind without my usual sugar coating. So maybe I will start saying things I wouldn't normally say. I am not going to be so bold as to make a resolution or promise. This is all a maybe. I don't want to get to extreme. In true people pleaser fashion.

What about you? Are you a people pleaser? What holds you back? If you aren't a people pleaser, what's your secret?

1 comment:

Alicia said...

GREAT post dear friend!!!! I think that a lot of that I could have written myself. Although I think I may have a harder time than you telling people what I really think. Pregnancy was a time for me that was kind of freeing b/c it seems like it somehow removed my filters a bit and I had an "excuse" when what I really thought came out of my mouth. It is a good thing sometimes and I find that the older I get it is somewhat easier. I am really proud of you for putting it out there on fb and everywhere!