Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Change Anyone?

I was thinking about blogging today. Even though I don't post regularly, I do often think about things I could post on here. But then I get sidetracked. As you should know about me, I get sidetracked easily. Just look at my posting history. :)

There have been some changes around here. Over the next few days, ok maybe weeks, I am going to let you know about those changes.

Number one change, we now have kids. Not babies, not toddlers. Not even little boys. I have two, active, strong, opinionated boys.

One of those boys has become a big, school age child. I have a student number and piles of paperwork. Last week was kind of rough for both of us. We made it thru the first day. We walked into class, took some pictures. The second day, Wednesday, was a little rougher. We had to navigate the car line. I basically had to become a mama bird and push my little fledgling out of the nest. And then I had to do it again on Thursday. Finally, by Friday, my little bird took his first hesitant steps to the edge of the nest and flew a little bit. He was a kind of hesitant getting out of the car, but he did. And lined himself up with all the other kindergarten students. By Monday, he was getting out of the car like a pro. And I was the one holding back tears. That day he came home and let me know that he had walked to class with another friend. Tuesday, again walking to class with his friend. Wednesday and today, the kid walked to class by himself. And I am still the one holding back my tears. This is all part of him growing up. I know that. And it's good. It just seems that the transition happened so fast.

All of a sudden, he can do everything by himself. This kid is in a setting I have very little control over. Sure, I can play the hover mother card, the pestering parent role. But I think that would only push him more away. Really, what good would that do? Our goal has always been that he would become independent. That my son would become a responsible, independent adult. And he is on his way.

Momma's having a hard time with the change. I know the logic, that God is watching over him and always has. But it still frightens me. This world he has stepped into has kids I don't know. Ideas that may contradict everything we have taught him. Kids that might tease, bully or physically harm him.

As I reread this, I am second guessing myself. Did we make the right choice? But that's where a lot of these problems lie. Within me. I need to back up and stop looking at me. I need to look up. To God. To The One who has been with our precious little baby since before I even knew about him. To Jehovah Rapha who was with my little guy in the hospital at 22 months. To Jehovah Shalom who was the peace and comfort both my babies needed during one of the lowest points of my life. To Jehovah Nissi, their advocate and protector when I was forbidden to be. That's where my big kid is. In His hand. This kid has always been there, and always will be.

So that's where I am. My older son is hitting his stride. Spreading out his wings and flying off to the next stage. I just want to have a safe nest for him to fly back to.


Bethany said...


3BoyMommy said...

I am so with you, having to let go of two of my babies at once. It is so hard, but a necessary step to independence. It amazes me how big they are - no longer so little anymore. *sigh* But they are loving Kindergarten, and I am grateful. And prayerful. :)

Annette said...

That made me cry, Katie! Now it makes me extra glad that I have one more year with Joy like you had with Grey. I know it's going to be hard for me, too. Thank you for this great post and reminder to trust the Lord at all times with our kids.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh, Katie. I remember that day with Lydia, my last baby! That dreadful car line and she wouldn't get out! But now she takes a bus and walks down by herself!

Anonymous said...

One day, many days from now, even years, you will read something your son has written and you will know, that one of your prayers has been answered over and over again. the prayer that your child will have a better understanding of who God is, than you do. ma

Gene and Annie said...

Change is so hard!! You are doing such a great job of raising those handsome boys!! It certainly is such a privilege to raise them in the Lord and then in stages, let them fly!! Rest assured you are doing the right thing!! Love you!!