These wondering thoughts started as an article for the MOPS newsletter I help create each month. But I couldn't get them to work together to my satisfaction. So I thought I'ld throw them out on the blogosphere just so I could get them down.
Change, why do we fear it so much? As a Christian, I know that God has everything in His hands. But that doesn't mean I'm not afraid. Where did all the doubt come from? Well, I know where it came from, but why does it linger?
I have been through a lot of change. I have only been married 6 years, but I feel like a lot has happened in that time. We graduated from college, had a few babies, a few scary stays at the hospital. Change in jobs. Change in location. Change in diet. Each change was a little more intense than the last one.
First, college graduation. What now? Work? Are you kidding? Pay our bills, buy the groceries. Ahhh. But it was exciting starting our adult lives together. Than, a year and a half later, a baby. How wonderful and blessed that time was. Than a job loss, child in the hospital, moving and a second baby born. Whoa, that was a bit much. But I learned that God provides through His people. New home, new church, new diet. Ok, Your grace is sufficient for me. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I got my verses down. But still, it was dark. All the changes outside and inside my body. I can't deal!
Calm, peace breath out. A new kind of family. At church. Let go of the anger from not knowing what would happen. Give in to God and his plan, stop trying to control everything myself. Nine months of bliss. Of a stable environment. Wait, our son breaks his leg. NIGHTMARE! Social worker visit that turns into chaos. Down the dark spiral of shame and wrongful accusation. Where is your justice God. Why are your people persecuted?! It's out of my hands. I have to trust the Lord to protect my kids. Can I do it? Do I really believe in His provision for me AND my family? I have to. It's my only hope. The only light I can see, my last lifeline.
Rejoice! They are back. God is good. But now all those fears about being a good parent are back. What if they were right to take the kids? Am I really doing a good job? The self-doubt is back. Old strongholds come around my heart, blocking out the sound of the Spirit. Put on my happy face for church, but lash out at my kids and husband. Why us? Why all the upheaval?
Truth breaks through the lies. His word is my refuge. I will run in to the safe arms of the Almighty and not look back. Peace again! Relief in the cool waters of His Spirit. Thank-you Jesus for your grace.
More change. A job change, meaning a new house, new city. Leaving all that is familiar and safe. Can I do it? Do I believe He can sustaine me through this? Yes, even though I don't want to leave. I will follow my husband and let him be the leader of our home. I WILL trust in God.
Wow, this time I really am at peace. God has made a difference. He has brought us in his timing to where He wants us to be. I finally learned to accept what God wants, and not my own desires. Amazing, how the Lord takes us through adversity so we may be refined and made into His Image. Thank-you my Sovereign
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Making Rice
My husbands deep and profound love of all things pertaining to Asian cuisine, from watching the Iron Chef to eating at PF Chang's every time we are within 20 miles of a major city, has led him on a quest for the perfect bowl of rice at home. Being male, this quest has gone from a mild desire to an all consuming obsession. We have bought different types of rice, new pots for making rice, spent hundreds of dollars to satiate the need for perfect, fluffy rice. Even to the point that we now own a rice maker. Convinced that this modern wonder would be the solution that would save us from having to eat at a Chinese buffet every few weeks just so he could get his fix of rice.
So we bought the rice cooker. Convinced this was the answer to our problem. The very next day of owning this monstrosity, I made rice. I followed the directions to the letter. Who knew there were more than two steps to making rice? Apparently there are 8, according to the manufacturer's directions. Well, let's just say the rice was not up to standards. It was to mushy. So we discussed the rice and its preparation. Next time I tried the rice cooker, I didn't rinse it first, but just threw it in to the cooker and walked away. This time it was not cooked enough. As I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, I made sure the rice cooker was put in the most inconvenient and hidden compartment of my cupboards never to be seen or heard from again.
Now, I was content to leave it at that. I don't really like rice, I'm more of a potato kind of girl. So it's been a few more weeks of meals without rice. With the occasional meal at PF Chang's and the local Chinese buffet. That is fine with me. Then I see the twinkle in my husband's eye. He is feeling the need to have a project. Uh-oh, I know what's coming. An edict will be declared through our household, and it will be my job to make sure all goes smoothly. Here is the following conversation:
Husband: “What do you want to do now?”
Wife: (absentmindedly because she is trying to read) “I don't care, wanna watch a movie?”
Husband: “I know, let's make rice!” (claps hands excitedly)
Wife: “ Ugh, now?”
Husband runs off excitedly to the kitchen. Wife follows slowly shaking her head as she hears cupboards opening and shutting.
Husband: “Where's the rice cooker?”
Wife finds it immediately after husband has been unable to.
Husband: “You know what I think went wrong? I think you didn't... BLAH BLAH BLAH
Wife: “I followed the directions exactly and you said the rice was to mushy.”
Husband: “Well, I am going to make some test rice. And I am going to make it exactly like the directions say to. (asks wife) Now, what do I do first.”
As my husband continued to bumble around in obviously unfamiliar territory (that of the kitchen and cooking in general) his enthusiasm over his project rivaled that of Tim the tool man Taylor's from Home Improvement. Then he got to step 3 on the directions, and asks “How do I know how much water to put in? It doesn't tell me anything.” I quietly turned the page to the chart explaining the rice to water amounts, with a smug smile on my face.
Husband: “But it only says to fill to line two. What's line two? I need fractions! I only want to make ½ a cup of rice, not two.”
Wife quietly points to the next column in the chart.
Husband looks with bafflement at the cup provided by the rice company.
Husband: “Ok, I'll fill this with rice to the ½ cup line. So that means I only need 1/8 cup of water. Where is the 1/8 measuring cup?”
Wife: “Just use the ¼ cup but only fill it half way.”
Husband: (skeptically) “But that won't be a completely accurate measurement to just eyeball it.... If this doesn't turn out, it's your fault.”
Note: As of this posting we have yet to make the the perfect bowl of rice.
So we bought the rice cooker. Convinced this was the answer to our problem. The very next day of owning this monstrosity, I made rice. I followed the directions to the letter. Who knew there were more than two steps to making rice? Apparently there are 8, according to the manufacturer's directions. Well, let's just say the rice was not up to standards. It was to mushy. So we discussed the rice and its preparation. Next time I tried the rice cooker, I didn't rinse it first, but just threw it in to the cooker and walked away. This time it was not cooked enough. As I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, I made sure the rice cooker was put in the most inconvenient and hidden compartment of my cupboards never to be seen or heard from again.
Now, I was content to leave it at that. I don't really like rice, I'm more of a potato kind of girl. So it's been a few more weeks of meals without rice. With the occasional meal at PF Chang's and the local Chinese buffet. That is fine with me. Then I see the twinkle in my husband's eye. He is feeling the need to have a project. Uh-oh, I know what's coming. An edict will be declared through our household, and it will be my job to make sure all goes smoothly. Here is the following conversation:
Husband: “What do you want to do now?”
Wife: (absentmindedly because she is trying to read) “I don't care, wanna watch a movie?”
Husband: “I know, let's make rice!” (claps hands excitedly)
Wife: “ Ugh, now?”
Husband runs off excitedly to the kitchen. Wife follows slowly shaking her head as she hears cupboards opening and shutting.
Husband: “Where's the rice cooker?”
Wife finds it immediately after husband has been unable to.
Husband: “You know what I think went wrong? I think you didn't... BLAH BLAH BLAH
Wife: “I followed the directions exactly and you said the rice was to mushy.”
Husband: “Well, I am going to make some test rice. And I am going to make it exactly like the directions say to. (asks wife) Now, what do I do first.”
As my husband continued to bumble around in obviously unfamiliar territory (that of the kitchen and cooking in general) his enthusiasm over his project rivaled that of Tim the tool man Taylor's from Home Improvement. Then he got to step 3 on the directions, and asks “How do I know how much water to put in? It doesn't tell me anything.” I quietly turned the page to the chart explaining the rice to water amounts, with a smug smile on my face.
Husband: “But it only says to fill to line two. What's line two? I need fractions! I only want to make ½ a cup of rice, not two.”
Wife quietly points to the next column in the chart.
Husband looks with bafflement at the cup provided by the rice company.
Husband: “Ok, I'll fill this with rice to the ½ cup line. So that means I only need 1/8 cup of water. Where is the 1/8 measuring cup?”
Wife: “Just use the ¼ cup but only fill it half way.”
Husband: (skeptically) “But that won't be a completely accurate measurement to just eyeball it.... If this doesn't turn out, it's your fault.”
Note: As of this posting we have yet to make the the perfect bowl of rice.
The reason for Christmas
Christmas is upon us and for the first time, my four year old is finally able to understand that it's not just about presents. He is genuinely excited to help put up decorations and pick out presents for OTHER people. It's been a lot of fun.
We pulled out our decorations box and lights. He was quite giddy with the excitement of it all. Our tree is only about 6 inches high and holds about three regular sized ornaments. But this did not deter my little helper's enthusiasm. We flattened out the branches of our little tree and put on it's miniature ornaments. Then my elf found all the glittery, expensive ornaments his father and I received as wedding presents. I quickly steered him away from those to the lights I wanted to put up outside. We continued our work, got the lights up and was almost done. Then my sweet little angel found my grandmother's nativity scene. And asked, “Is this Jesus?” I replied, “Yes, it is. Do you know what Christmas is for?” He responded, “It's for Jesus' birthday.” Pregnant pause... “And presents.” Maybe we have some more work to do on that one.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!
We pulled out our decorations box and lights. He was quite giddy with the excitement of it all. Our tree is only about 6 inches high and holds about three regular sized ornaments. But this did not deter my little helper's enthusiasm. We flattened out the branches of our little tree and put on it's miniature ornaments. Then my elf found all the glittery, expensive ornaments his father and I received as wedding presents. I quickly steered him away from those to the lights I wanted to put up outside. We continued our work, got the lights up and was almost done. Then my sweet little angel found my grandmother's nativity scene. And asked, “Is this Jesus?” I replied, “Yes, it is. Do you know what Christmas is for?” He responded, “It's for Jesus' birthday.” Pregnant pause... “And presents.” Maybe we have some more work to do on that one.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!
Friday, October 3, 2008
When it fell a part
The first year went by fairly quickly. I was smug and confident that I had this parenting thing under control. I was thin, pulled together and everything was fine. Than child 2 began percolating. A whole other child to worry about and care for. Would there be enough love? I barely had it together for child one, how would I cope with child 2? About four months into my second pregnancy, husband came home to tell me his job would no longer be in existence at about the time child 2 would come into the world. WHAT!?!?! Immediately a frantic search began for a new job. Thankfully, we had had our house on the market for about 2 months. There had been little to no interest, but we were sure God would fix that quick enough.
Meanwhile, husband had to train the new art people on his job. Ironic, isn’t it, how companies expect outgoing employees to train their replacements. I was setting up appointments with doctors so we could get our dental and eye exams covered under the insurance that would soon be gone. I also was looking for work in case Tom was unable to find something quickly. Along with all the other drama in our life, child one’s digestive system began shutting down. We didn’t realize it at the time, but child one was developing celiac disease.
About a month before child two was to be born, the new company husband had been training employees for offered him a job. WHEW!! What a relief. We would have a steady paycheck and insurance. All our prayers had been answered! Wait a minute. We were going to have to move? When I was eight months pregnant? Husband would have to leave six weeks before us? We didn’t even have any offers on the house? The only people coming to open houses were other people from our neighborhood who wanted to see how much we were selling our house for. How would we afford both rent and a mortgage? We barely made our bills as it was.
When husband left for the new job, child one became more and more sick. He stopped walking, he had diarrhea and man was he cranky. He only wanted to be carried around. I thought he was upset from all the change, daddy was gone and mommy was changing. The diarrhea would come and go. The pediatrician and I were stumped. I was jostling appointments for myself and child one, in addition to finding a moving company since the new job was paying for us to move.
One appointment for child one really sticks in my mind. They wanted to draw blood to test various levels in the child’s system. Have you ever had to watch someone draw blood out of a toddler? Even better, have you had to watch an incompetent person take blood out of your child? It was the most awful thing to watch. With each try, child one became more and more distraught. The phlebotomist became more anxious with time as well. I finally asked for someone who would know what they were doing. But with the utmost charm and tact. Someone came in and got what they needed on the first try. Child one and I went home amidst our snivels and waited for the results.
My husband was securing housing in our new city of residents, while I was negotiating with moving companies. I didn’t really have time for a new baby. I was content to wait until after we moved. Unfortunately, the ob had different ideas. Child two came into the world amidst the bedlam that was surrounding our life.
The week after child two was born was spent at the hospital for different tests on child one. I had to convince child one to drink barium. I put it in a milk shake, but it was still no dice. I eventually had to force it into him via a syringe. I never knew the strength of a toddler before that afternoon. After the MRI, it was revealed that there was a large amount of fluid in child one’s intestines. We were sent to the nearest children’s hospital.
Another myriad of tests were ordered, many repeats of what had already been done. I guess they wanted to be thorough? Child one wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything and his veins became smaller and smaller. They had to draw blood out of his artery. I was sent out of the room for this because I had child two and the nursing staff thought it might be two hard on me to be in there. I could hear the screaming in the waiting room. It was another horrific memory and worry that these events would stay in my little boy’s head forever. I began praying then that it would all be blocked from child one’s memory.
We finally got admitted to a regular room. Child one was on a clear liquid diet. I went to a hotel that night and Grandma B stayed in the room. I was nursing child two at the time and couldn’t keep him with me in the hospital. By the next morning, child one looked like an orphan from some European concentration camp. He had gone from 28 pounds down to eighteen. They were giving him all kinds of supplements because his body was so malnourished. I felt so guilty through all of this. What had I done to my little boy? Why didn’t I see the signs? Was I so selfish and wrapped up in my own worries that I completely missed this? It was a low point to say the least.
It was here that we first heard that child one might have celiac disease. It was either that or a virus If he did have celiac, it would mean completely changing our eating habits. We were hoping for the virus to say the least. As the week dragged on, more tests were done, I was completely drained emotionally, physically and spiritually. Yet, I had to be on top of what the child was eating, how much he was drinking. I had to advocate for him to the medical staff, and I had to keep child two away from all the diseases that run rampant in a hospital. Thank goodness we had other family to support us and lift us up in prayer. Each day we would hope that we would get a diagnosis. And each day there would be nothing.
Finally, a gastroenterologist, Dr. M. came in and told us our lives were to be revolutionized. Child one had celiac disease. It was a fairly common disease, but presents itself in many different ways. That’s why it can be hard to diagnose. Celiac is also a genetic disease. It can lie dormant for years before it even presents itself. It’s usually triggered by some kind trauma to a person’s immune system. Child one’s came on due to a cold he had developed about eight weeks prior.
We were finally discharged and sent home. Looking back, I can see the Lord’s hand as each new problem surfaced. A week after the husband lost his job, a new one became available. When child one began getting sick, our pediatrician was extremely proactive in getting the right tests ordered and the best doctors to give us the results. Our friends and family stepped in and made our move a smooth transition. Thank -you Lord for your provision and blessing through our faith and biological family.
Meanwhile, husband had to train the new art people on his job. Ironic, isn’t it, how companies expect outgoing employees to train their replacements. I was setting up appointments with doctors so we could get our dental and eye exams covered under the insurance that would soon be gone. I also was looking for work in case Tom was unable to find something quickly. Along with all the other drama in our life, child one’s digestive system began shutting down. We didn’t realize it at the time, but child one was developing celiac disease.
About a month before child two was to be born, the new company husband had been training employees for offered him a job. WHEW!! What a relief. We would have a steady paycheck and insurance. All our prayers had been answered! Wait a minute. We were going to have to move? When I was eight months pregnant? Husband would have to leave six weeks before us? We didn’t even have any offers on the house? The only people coming to open houses were other people from our neighborhood who wanted to see how much we were selling our house for. How would we afford both rent and a mortgage? We barely made our bills as it was.
When husband left for the new job, child one became more and more sick. He stopped walking, he had diarrhea and man was he cranky. He only wanted to be carried around. I thought he was upset from all the change, daddy was gone and mommy was changing. The diarrhea would come and go. The pediatrician and I were stumped. I was jostling appointments for myself and child one, in addition to finding a moving company since the new job was paying for us to move.
One appointment for child one really sticks in my mind. They wanted to draw blood to test various levels in the child’s system. Have you ever had to watch someone draw blood out of a toddler? Even better, have you had to watch an incompetent person take blood out of your child? It was the most awful thing to watch. With each try, child one became more and more distraught. The phlebotomist became more anxious with time as well. I finally asked for someone who would know what they were doing. But with the utmost charm and tact. Someone came in and got what they needed on the first try. Child one and I went home amidst our snivels and waited for the results.
My husband was securing housing in our new city of residents, while I was negotiating with moving companies. I didn’t really have time for a new baby. I was content to wait until after we moved. Unfortunately, the ob had different ideas. Child two came into the world amidst the bedlam that was surrounding our life.
The week after child two was born was spent at the hospital for different tests on child one. I had to convince child one to drink barium. I put it in a milk shake, but it was still no dice. I eventually had to force it into him via a syringe. I never knew the strength of a toddler before that afternoon. After the MRI, it was revealed that there was a large amount of fluid in child one’s intestines. We were sent to the nearest children’s hospital.
Another myriad of tests were ordered, many repeats of what had already been done. I guess they wanted to be thorough? Child one wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything and his veins became smaller and smaller. They had to draw blood out of his artery. I was sent out of the room for this because I had child two and the nursing staff thought it might be two hard on me to be in there. I could hear the screaming in the waiting room. It was another horrific memory and worry that these events would stay in my little boy’s head forever. I began praying then that it would all be blocked from child one’s memory.
We finally got admitted to a regular room. Child one was on a clear liquid diet. I went to a hotel that night and Grandma B stayed in the room. I was nursing child two at the time and couldn’t keep him with me in the hospital. By the next morning, child one looked like an orphan from some European concentration camp. He had gone from 28 pounds down to eighteen. They were giving him all kinds of supplements because his body was so malnourished. I felt so guilty through all of this. What had I done to my little boy? Why didn’t I see the signs? Was I so selfish and wrapped up in my own worries that I completely missed this? It was a low point to say the least.
It was here that we first heard that child one might have celiac disease. It was either that or a virus If he did have celiac, it would mean completely changing our eating habits. We were hoping for the virus to say the least. As the week dragged on, more tests were done, I was completely drained emotionally, physically and spiritually. Yet, I had to be on top of what the child was eating, how much he was drinking. I had to advocate for him to the medical staff, and I had to keep child two away from all the diseases that run rampant in a hospital. Thank goodness we had other family to support us and lift us up in prayer. Each day we would hope that we would get a diagnosis. And each day there would be nothing.
Finally, a gastroenterologist, Dr. M. came in and told us our lives were to be revolutionized. Child one had celiac disease. It was a fairly common disease, but presents itself in many different ways. That’s why it can be hard to diagnose. Celiac is also a genetic disease. It can lie dormant for years before it even presents itself. It’s usually triggered by some kind trauma to a person’s immune system. Child one’s came on due to a cold he had developed about eight weeks prior.
We were finally discharged and sent home. Looking back, I can see the Lord’s hand as each new problem surfaced. A week after the husband lost his job, a new one became available. When child one began getting sick, our pediatrician was extremely proactive in getting the right tests ordered and the best doctors to give us the results. Our friends and family stepped in and made our move a smooth transition. Thank -you Lord for your provision and blessing through our faith and biological family.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Snakes at the Post Office
Today I realized something. I must need to take my kids out in public more. Evidently they don't realize that it's NOT OK to crawl around on the floor of a public place.
Let me back up a bit. Today the boys and I went to the Post Office to mail some packages for husband's business and ebay sales. Normally, this would be a fairly uneventful occasion, right? Not so today. While I was filling out customs forms, the boys started looking in all the nooks and crannies to investigate. There was only one other customer and she to had a preschooler, so I thought we were ok. Then, child 2 started crawling around on the floor doing his monster impersonation. It all went down hill from there. Child 1 thought that looked like fun, but wanted to take it to the next level. He wanted to be a snake. So then, the kids really got into it and went down on their bellies and started hissing. I am still filling out a custom form, but I stopped and ever so tightly lipped told the children to stand up and stay still. Miracle of miracles, they listened. I finished my transaction and the postal worker gave me my receipt with a slight smirk on his face as he told me to have a nice day. I was very greatful that we had mailed the bulk of our packages at a box store yesterday. Why can't they have tv carts at all errand locations?
Have your kids ever gone bonkers in a public place?
Let me back up a bit. Today the boys and I went to the Post Office to mail some packages for husband's business and ebay sales. Normally, this would be a fairly uneventful occasion, right? Not so today. While I was filling out customs forms, the boys started looking in all the nooks and crannies to investigate. There was only one other customer and she to had a preschooler, so I thought we were ok. Then, child 2 started crawling around on the floor doing his monster impersonation. It all went down hill from there. Child 1 thought that looked like fun, but wanted to take it to the next level. He wanted to be a snake. So then, the kids really got into it and went down on their bellies and started hissing. I am still filling out a custom form, but I stopped and ever so tightly lipped told the children to stand up and stay still. Miracle of miracles, they listened. I finished my transaction and the postal worker gave me my receipt with a slight smirk on his face as he told me to have a nice day. I was very greatful that we had mailed the bulk of our packages at a box store yesterday. Why can't they have tv carts at all errand locations?
Have your kids ever gone bonkers in a public place?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Explanation
Hey all,
I wanted to explain what this blog will be. Parts of it will be factual and parts of it will be factual with a bit of exaggeration for humor. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment.
-The Author
I wanted to explain what this blog will be. Parts of it will be factual and parts of it will be factual with a bit of exaggeration for humor. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment.
-The Author
New Parents
I was driving to aerobics the other day and saw a car with all of the back windows covered in sunshields. It made me chuckle as I remembered bringing child one home from the hospital. I thought about how protective we are as new parents. We spend all the money on new baby equipment, we get all the latest baby gadgets and are so sure of how we will raise our child. And it will certainly be better than the parents of the annoying kids at restaurants.
Then we get sent home with a teeny tiny person. And everything we thought we knew about parenting goes out the window. I remember that husband and I were freaking out because the nurse asked us if the car seat straps were snug. We spent ten minutes making sure it was secure and that our base was snug too. Then we started driving home and child 1 began crying and I freaked out again because it was not time for the baby to be crying. Our child was out of control, it was only three days old but I was convinced there was something wrong with the baby. The husband was very calming and assuring as he laughed at me.
How was parenting different than you expected it to be?
Then we get sent home with a teeny tiny person. And everything we thought we knew about parenting goes out the window. I remember that husband and I were freaking out because the nurse asked us if the car seat straps were snug. We spent ten minutes making sure it was secure and that our base was snug too. Then we started driving home and child 1 began crying and I freaked out again because it was not time for the baby to be crying. Our child was out of control, it was only three days old but I was convinced there was something wrong with the baby. The husband was very calming and assuring as he laughed at me.
How was parenting different than you expected it to be?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
To blog or to read; that is the question
So, today I was really excited to start this blogging thing. Last night I could hardly sleep because I had so many ideas for posts. And the reality of motherhood hit. And once again, I am pulled away from my desire to write in order to tend the needs of my horde.
Monday, September 15, 2008
My First Blogging Attempt
So, I have now joined the world of blogging. I enjoy writing and thought this would be a good way to practice. Blogging may soon become my new hobby. We will see what happens.
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