Really, it started yesterday. About 9PM. The kids were finally in bed. I was settling down to watch one of our shows. Then I saw it was a two part episode. Because it's the end of all my series. So they have to be really dramatic and drag everything on and on and on.
And I wanted to watch the second part of the finale. Not go to bed and set my alarm for 5:20AM. But I did, and maybe I prayed that I would get a text either last night or early this morning saying my running friend can't make it. Yeah, should have prayed a little harder about that. The alarm went off, I pushed snooze. The alarm went of, I pushed snooze again. The alarm went off, I turned it off. Got out of bed, got myself out the door and was still 10 minutes late. And I kept praying for that text saying I could turn around and go home. Still didn't come.....
I arrived. Apologized in a half hearted way for being late. We began. We only had about 3 miles to go. I started off ok. Then, my calves started tightening. So I walked a little. My dear friend gave me some encouragement, we ran again. More hurting calves, we walked a little. Finally, I said to my friend that she should go on. Because I wanted to not push to hard since we had hill work tomorrow morning. Oh the joy of that. And since she did need to get back home before 7, I was left on my own to finish the 3 miles.
Which turned out to be an enormous blessing. I had been all focused on me and what problems I had. And when my friend continued on, and I was left there without my iPod or any other distractions (television anyone?) I finally had the time to realize that I was getting into a pretty selfish mode of thinking. I did have some things that were on my heart that weren't just about my desire to sleep past 5:30AM. But mostly, I was thinking how unfair my life was. The Lord prompted me to start praying. And I did. I just started talking to God on that path. Out loud. I was the crazy lady on the running path. I stopped talking and listened for awhile. And then I would talk. God and I had a great conversation out there this morning. And not everything was resolved. I still have some things to work on. God did not come down with a magic paint brush and remove all my troubles. He did, however, give me some peace of mind. And then, when I was done talking to God about me. And I started thinking about how cruddy it was to be running out there, I started praying for my friends. And then I started praising God. As I look back on this morning, I probably should have started with the praising and then moved on to praying.
Now, again. My day has not become all roses and sunshine. I feel kind of tired and lazy. I let the kids watch Kung Fu Panda so I could watch a show this morning. And I served them 7UP for breakfast because we are out of milk and I didn't want the battle over drinking water to begin, for the hundredth time. I just didn't want to deal with that. But, God is still there for me. Thank-you Jesus for your endless patience, grace and mercy. For loving me as I need to be loved. Especially on my crummy days!