Paralyzed by People Pleasing

Really, my favorite part of blogging is in coming up with alliterative titles. Do you like it? It's important to me that you do. Because I am a people pleaser.

I am not a doormat or someone that can wilt into the background. If a decision or choice needs to be made or if I see something that needs to be addressed, I will say something. In fact I often share my opinions on food choices or movie rentals with people I don't even know. Or if I am in a situation that I have more experience than the other decision makers. But rarely will I share my opinion or political views with my friends.

Why is that? Why am I more likely to share my opinions with perfect strangers than I am with my friends? I am even hesitant to post this. Because maybe someone will ask me directly what some of my views are. And then I will have to pull out my well honed evasion skills to redirect the conversation. Or pray that my kids need something from me and I won't have to answer.

I know part of my hesitation stems from the many years of mask wearing I have done. Some of it comes from wanting people to like me. Part of it is also never having been in a place to have the same group of friends long enough that have gone past the surface mommy-talk.

Even now there is a whisper in my ear telling me just to delete this. That it doesn't matter what I have to say. Excuse me while I tell it to be quiet and go back to it's pit.

Ok, cause here's the truth. I do have opinions. I do not do enough investigation and fact checking to get into a debate. which is why I don't post my opinions on Facebook. But I listen to the news and read news sites. I have made some idealogical decisions on how I want to live the life God's given me. Also in how the husband and I will raise the kids God's given us. Sometimes' those choices are similar to others, and sometimes they are the polar opposite. Most of the time, if my opinion is different from yours, I won't say much until I can change the subject. That's my preferred method of conflict avoidance.

But maybe that's gonna change. We'll see. This new baby inside of me tends to affect my hormones leaving my brain a little foggy and more prone to speaking my mind without my usual sugar coating. So maybe I will start saying things I wouldn't normally say. I am not going to be so bold as to make a resolution or promise. This is all a maybe. I don't want to get to extreme. In true people pleaser fashion.

What about you? Are you a people pleaser? What holds you back? If you aren't a people pleaser, what's your secret?

Change Anyone?

I was thinking about blogging today. Even though I don't post regularly, I do often think about things I could post on here. But then I get sidetracked. As you should know about me, I get sidetracked easily. Just look at my posting history. :)

There have been some changes around here. Over the next few days, ok maybe weeks, I am going to let you know about those changes.

Number one change, we now have kids. Not babies, not toddlers. Not even little boys. I have two, active, strong, opinionated boys.

One of those boys has become a big, school age child. I have a student number and piles of paperwork. Last week was kind of rough for both of us. We made it thru the first day. We walked into class, took some pictures. The second day, Wednesday, was a little rougher. We had to navigate the car line. I basically had to become a mama bird and push my little fledgling out of the nest. And then I had to do it again on Thursday. Finally, by Friday, my little bird took his first hesitant steps to the edge of the nest and flew a little bit. He was a kind of hesitant getting out of the car, but he did. And lined himself up with all the other kindergarten students. By Monday, he was getting out of the car like a pro. And I was the one holding back tears. That day he came home and let me know that he had walked to class with another friend. Tuesday, again walking to class with his friend. Wednesday and today, the kid walked to class by himself. And I am still the one holding back my tears. This is all part of him growing up. I know that. And it's good. It just seems that the transition happened so fast.

All of a sudden, he can do everything by himself. This kid is in a setting I have very little control over. Sure, I can play the hover mother card, the pestering parent role. But I think that would only push him more away. Really, what good would that do? Our goal has always been that he would become independent. That my son would become a responsible, independent adult. And he is on his way.

Momma's having a hard time with the change. I know the logic, that God is watching over him and always has. But it still frightens me. This world he has stepped into has kids I don't know. Ideas that may contradict everything we have taught him. Kids that might tease, bully or physically harm him.

As I reread this, I am second guessing myself. Did we make the right choice? But that's where a lot of these problems lie. Within me. I need to back up and stop looking at me. I need to look up. To God. To The One who has been with our precious little baby since before I even knew about him. To Jehovah Rapha who was with my little guy in the hospital at 22 months. To Jehovah Shalom who was the peace and comfort both my babies needed during one of the lowest points of my life. To Jehovah Nissi, their advocate and protector when I was forbidden to be. That's where my big kid is. In His hand. This kid has always been there, and always will be.

So that's where I am. My older son is hitting his stride. Spreading out his wings and flying off to the next stage. I just want to have a safe nest for him to fly back to.

Training Log

It was a lovely late spring morning. I was running with some friends. We were doing six miles that morning. A bit of a stretch for my weekday run, but I was feeling ambitious the previous morning when I agreed to the Friday run. :)

We were on our way back, maybe around mile five, when all of a sudden, a deer bounded onto the path. My running partner halted me from going further. The deer got spooked and shot across the pavement straight into an eight foot fence. No hesitation, just pure fight or flight reaction kicking in. The deer recovered from the fence's head butt and then backed up a little farther this time, and ran full speed at the fence again. This time, the deer jumped over the fence and fell straight down the eight feet of the fence and about 4 feet of concrete wall onto the hard gravel of the railroad tracks. Did the deer break it's leg or neck? NO! It popped right out of it's fall and took off down the tracks until it could find an opening back into the woods. It was one of the coolest and most bizarre things I have ever seen.

That all happened around Memorial Day weekend, which would have been about 6 weeks ago. About three days after that deer and I crossed paths, I took a little, shall we say, hiatus from running. So I stopped running. I did go out with my friend a few times a week, but the most I ever did was about 2 miles. You have to realize that prior to my hiatus, most of my runs were 4-5 miles on the weekend and 6-7 on the weekends.

Yesterday, I started running again. My marathon is now officially sixteen weeks away. Most marathoners start a training program at this time. So I started a training program. The first run was for four miles. I met my friend and we did the first two miles together. Than she and I parted ways. Then I did the last two. Let me tell you that those last two miles were heinous. Or so I thought.

Today I went out for a "hilly" run. A run that consisted of going up several different heights of hills. For five miles. And I was doing it. Running at a nice steady pace for about 1 and a half miles. Than I slipped off the side of the road into this soft patch of large stone gravel. My right knee, left hand and right elbow can attest to how "soft" it was. I wanted to give up and turn around. The person I was running with was kind enough to even suggest that. But I was not going to give up. But I did contemplate going back. Than, this thought popped into my head, "I only have four more months to train. And I am not going to get to Greece and not be able to finish!" So I wiped the blood off my hand, made sure my knee was clear of gravel, and we kept going. Up and down those stinkin' hills. And yeah, I walked a lot more on the way back during the second two and a half miles, but I ran up those hills and walked on the straightaways and downward parts of the hills.

My knee, hand and elbow all hurt. I feel good though. Like I accomplished something. Conveniently enough, tomorrow is a rest day. I will be sure and take full advantage of that. :)

Weekend at Katie's

Recently, I have been reading a book called Life on Planet MOM: a down-to-earth guide to your changing relationships, by Lisa T. Bergren. It was sent to all the moms who are a part of MOPS. A great organization! I meet with a group of ladies on Tuesday nights to discuss this book. The first weeks discussion was on your relationship with your self. How becoming a mom changes you. How the delightful little monkeys that come into our lives have the ability to cause us to to rethink who we are, what we believe and how we do things.



I went thru this process of reassesing my priorities, my time management, my belief in God.In the first three and a half years of my kids lives. And part of me had to grieve the fact that I was not able to go where I wanted to go or spend my money on what I wanted to spend it on. To grieve the loss of my pre-kids self.

But every once in awhile, I get the chance to be that unobligated girl again. I get to listen to my pop star music from the 90s and watch the shows I like instead of boy stuff. :)

This past weekend was one of those times. We had two events happening in different states. So, the man and his entourage went north and I stayed down here with the soybeans and corn. It was marvelous. I stayed up late, got to watch two different girly movies and I made it to church in under an hour. I ate my meals when they were hot. And I didn't have to get up from the table once! I went to the library, and nobody shushed me. My weekend alone left me refreshed and, I have to say, that I did actually appreciate my family a little more when they got home on Sunday night.

What about you? What would you do if you had an entire weekend to yourself? Not just a few hours, or even 30 minutes. What if you had one entire weekend with no responsibilities? You wouldn't have to make a meal, or make sure anyone else had to go to the bathroom. You could watch whatever you wanted, stay up late. Eat a meal that was hot from beginning to end.

Maybe get a full night's rest. Get out the door in under 5 minutes! Maybe a weekend is to long right now. Perhaps you could just get away for a few hours one night in the next few weeks. What would you do with that time? That's my challenge for you moms. Get away from your family for just two hours. It might be tough at first we moms are great at making excuses as to why we can't get away. But honestly, your kids will be fine. And you will be better for it as well.



I look forward to hearing from you on what you did with your time!

Food, Glorious, Food Part Deux

Previously on playdates and peanutbutter I posted all about my amazing guacamole. It really was delicious. And I hope that you and your family love it as much as I did. Otherwise that post could be quite embarrassing for me.

I also mentioned how much I like to experiment. And sometimes my family doesn't appreciate that. What my husband does appreciate is my willingness to copy restaurants. With our little guys not able to gorge themselves on all the fried wonder that can be sweet and sour chicken, we do not often go to Chinese buffets. Because I just can't let the boys only eat pudding for dinner. And have you been to a buffet recently? They are just plain gross! Anyways, as I was saying. Our boys also don't get to eat things like chicken nuggets or fish sticks because I am cheap.

So, the husband and I have a desire to give our kids the best possible food experience we can. We don't want them to miss out on anything related to an American child's diet. Thus, we have found recipes for making our very own batter to make our own chicken nuggets. And I also found a recipe for gluten free spring rolls. I love my kids so much, I even drove around for ninety minutes on Saturday trying to find gluten free soy sauce and original rice paper wrappers. And I found them! And oh the feast we had!

We had sweet and sour chicken, Vietnamese spring rolls and fried rice. The man recreated the Thai fried rice he has had at a local restaurant here in town. He makes fried rice as usual and then adds the pineapple, raisins and cashews. Again, absolutely incredible!

Here is the recipe for the frying batter and the GF spring rolls. You can use non gluten free products if you want, but our house tries to stay gluten-free. Because that's how we roll.

Frying batter for sweet and sour whatever can be found at: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sweet-and-Sour-Chicken-I/Detail.aspx

The gluten-free spring rolls are as follows:
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 package coleslaw mix
2 cups bean sprouts
1 pkg rice paper wrappers
2 Tbsp oil, plus more for frying
STIR FRY SAUCE
2 Tbsp soy sauce
2 Tbsp fish sauce
1/4 tsp. sugar

Place 2 Tbsp. oil in a wok or large frying pan over medium to high heat. Add garlic. Stir fry until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add coleslaw mix and sauce. Stir-fry 1-2 minutes, until veggies have softened. Remove from heat and add bean sprout. Tossing to mix in. Do a taste test for salt, adding 1 - 2 more Tbsp. of fish or soy sauce.
To assemble the rolls: Place one rice wrapper in a pan of water, letting absorb the water for about 10 seconds. Remove and place on clean working surface. Put one tbsp of veggie mix at the top of the wrapper. Fold over the top, pinching along the spring roll mixture so that it is tight around it. Fold over the left and right sides of the wrapper and continue rolling. Keeping the wrapping tight.
To Fry: Place some oil in a wok or a deep frying pan over medium-high heat. When bubbles arise, or when the oil begins to form snake-like lines across the bottom, the oil is hot enough. Using tongs, place spring rolls in the oil, allowing them to fry about 1 minute on each side. They are done when the wrappers have a slight brown tinge to them. Remove from the pan with tongs and place on a paper towel lined plate.

These instructions are from two different places. One is wanderingchopsticks.blogspot.com. And the other is thaifood.about.com. There were many other Asian dishes to try out as well.

I look forward to hearing from you about these!

Food, Glorious, Food

I love food. I grew up in a family of eaters. We liked food, and we still do! My mom was an experimental cook. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it wasn't so good. I, too, have an enjoyment of experimenting in the kitchen. Thankfully, after 4 years of tantrums about the fact that no one in my family seems to appreciate my culinary skills, my family is willing to try out my experiments. I love those boys of mine!

With two little guys that have an allergy to gluten, we eat a lot of Mexican and Atkins (i.e. meat) friendly meals. Over the weekend I made some wickedly delicious sour cream enchiladas. (Don't worry my foodie friends, recipes are to follow.) I also got crazy with some avocados.

Normally, I don't buy avocados because they can be expensive and I am the only one in my family that really enjoys them. But the older son saw some on a display, thought they looked cool, and they were only a buck a piece. And since we were having the above mentioned enchiladas, I thought guacamole would be a suitable accompaniment. Also, I always like to offer new foods to the boys, help expand their palates for their future wives.

Now, I have had guacamole before. Usually at a restaurant. And I have always liked it. This creation I made at home, was so.... much.... better. It was like ambrosia! I ate about 1/2 a cup with some tortilla chips on Sunday night. And then on Monday, for lunch, I finished the rest. It was fantastic. I could go on and on and on and on about how amazing my guacamole was. MMMMMMMMMMM. I am starting to salivate again just typing about it. Ok, I am done. Maybe. Just give me a second..... Wipes drool off of keyboard.

Any ways, suffice it to say that I love food, and my new favorite dish is guacamole. Home made. No more store bought stuff for me. Unfortunately, the men folk were not as into it as I was. They did try it though. Maybe next time.....

Here is the recipe for my Sour Cream Enchiladas:
Serves 4
1 can chicken breasts
1 cup sour cream
1/8 tsp. salt
12/16 corn tortillas
4 oz can chopped green chiles
2 c. shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1/2 Tbsp. garlic powder
1/2 Tbsp. cumin
1/2- whole white or yellow onion chopped up finely
1 jar green salsa

Combine the canned chicken, sour cream, salt, green chiles, 1/2 c Monterey Jack cheese, garlic powder, cumin and onion. Mix well. Wrap tortillas in a damp paper towel, microwave one minute on high. Place tortilla on a clean working surface. Place 1 1/2 tbsp of chicken mix on tortilla near the top. Fold over the top and roll tightly, down. Place in greased baking dish. Top with green salsa or just the rest of the cheese if you don't like things to spicy. I do about half and half.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 35 minutes, or until cheese is melted and golden on the edges.

Guacamole
1 ripe tomato
2 avocados
1 Tbsp vinegar
1 Tbsp. lemon or lime juice
salt and pepper to taste

Mash together the tomato and avocados. Stir in remaining ingredients. Serve with chips or warm tortillas.

Enjoy! Let me know if you try these out!

Previously

Since it is summer, I have some more free time to do the projects I neglect the other three seasons of the year. Also, since we had a long and enjoyable weekend with my parents, my younger child is currently comatose in his room. Finally, a friend of the older child invited him over to play. It really is the perfect day to clean out and reorganize things in my house.

One of the things we did this weekend was celebrate the two boys birthdays. Grandma and Grandpa M & J helped to flesh out our Imaginext connections. That kept the boys occupied all morning. Leading to the kitchen being rearranged this morning. I know the man of the house loved having to rediscover where the silverware got moved too. I just like to help keep his life interesting. :)

Then, after lunch. I put down the younger boy and sent the older son to the friends house mentioned earlier. Sorted the mountain of laundry that was on top of the day bed and started another load of clothes in the washer. Then, I carefully lifted the sheet that doubles as a dust ruffle from the side of the bed and started pulling out the various articles from beneath the bed. There were random rolls of wrapping paper, gift bags from the latest birthday party, Lego pieces, a couple of dusty socks. A box of sci-fi novels that are my uncles. I am sure a few of them could probably be classified as antiques. Maybe I will be making some Ebay postings after this.....

And then I found a box. It was marked with my name on it. It had about two inches of dust on the top; as did the rest of the things under the bed. I shoved some of the clutter away from me and then slowly opened the box.

Now, I don't consider my self a pack-rat. In fact, I would say I am more quick to get rid of something I think we don't need than I am to save something just in case. But when it comes to letters, or cards, or notes of encouragement. My desire for less clutter gets shut down faster than a drunken Disney character. I do occasionally go through my letter collection and prune out the ones that either I don't remember the person, or there is no sentimental value left in the card for me. Those two criteria usually go hand in hand. But some letters, no matter how old, will always stay in my collection.

For example, I found all the love letters that my darling husband sent to me while we were in college. They are such tender reminders of our early courtship. We were so young and idealistic than. Sigh, we were so naive back then. My eyes were watering as I read some of the little notes and remembered the excitement we had for each other at that time.

I also found a lot of birthday cards from the years. Most of the ones from my grandparents included notes about their lives at that time. Most of it didn't make sense then, nor do I know what it means now. But the words of love and encouragement helped shape me into who I am today. And especially the words of my maternal grandparents mean a lot to me as both have passed on to be with Jesus.

I found a lot of notes of encouragement. One didn't even have a name on it. But all of them encouraged me to stay strong in the Lord. To keep seeking God's direction in my life. To hold on to the promise that God would do great things in my life as I remained faithful to His word. Now, my much younger self had a very different idea of what "do great things in the Lord" meant than what I do now.

Previously, I thought that meant I would go on to work in Washington D.C. as a lobbyist for some Christian rights group. Now, I am a lobbyists for my two boys as I make sure they get the best social experiences possible. Previously, I thought I would go on to sing first soprano in a prestigious collegiate choir. Now, I just want to sing honest and open praises to God. It doesn't matter if anyone sees me or hears me. Previously, I wanted to be up front and out there for everybody to see the great things I was doing in God's name. Now, I just want to do what God would have me to do so Christ's name would be glorified.

It's all been a matter of perspective for me. In the past 25 years that have been a Christian, the Lord has taken me from a young, selfish little girl, to an adolescent more obsessed with what people thought of me than what God thought of me into a woman who desires to serve the Lord, however He wants me to do that.

I will close this long post with a quote I heard recently. I am not sure who originally said it, but here is my version: Thank God I am no longer who I once was, and I thank God that I am not yet who I will be.

Blessings to all of you as you continue towards who God will have you to be.